Rabellious

please don't be mad at me
while you're staring downward with your tongue hanging out.
i fell in love with you instantly,
you felt like velvet in my hands.
you knew how to give a look that spoke a dozen words
while remaining totally silent
except for your pounding heart and panting breath.

those looks knew how to fill me up and break my heart
each time, i felt insufficient at knowing what it means
to be good, to be good at it, to be good for you.
you craved me like the water you chugged instantly
while i was out marking unfamiliar territory.
i loved you in my own complicated way,
it's the best i know how. distance gives me pleasure
like the space in your eyes, pleading for me to comfort you.
i was so distant, and i'm sorry.

just know i can't forget you, and i'm quietly angry.
it's a rare moment i don't have the right words to let
roll off my tongue like saliva on the floor,
i wonder if you stared at your own reflection in such a puddle
and saw yourself alone, that alone gave you enough strength
to reflect your anger and resentment.

please, while you're staring downward at me,
if you must be mad, you must, but please don't hate me.
i already hate myself, just a little bit, just enough
to keep your saddened stare blazing in my heart,
which is steady and unsettling

written on November 5, 2008

(what is going on?? i mean i can kinda put the pieces together, but there is some blank pieces that need decoding. i love your words. i can relate to them even though are experiences are totally different.
you have talent and i hope you know how much it is appreciated!!!
Posted by Ashlee on 05 Nov 08 Wednesday - 11:36 PM)