untitled for now

there's something not just anyone can understand
not especially you, for you are indifferent.
you were once very curious about me and i enjoyed your desire
to learn my ways and reasoning.
you were once very easy to be around, i said what was on my mind
and just let go. i was sure it was the same for you.
i felt like you looked out for me
in the corner of your room, even if it was just a peeking gesture
same time every day, even if it was just once.
to tell you the truth, i miss that.

the thing not just anyone can understand,
not especially you, is just how someone can change,
even his natural scent. something went.
your voice raised higher, you became shorter
and the way you held me no longer felt right.
it was like you had hidden your identical twin from me
then put him in your place.
i don't care for your twin too much.
he's whiny and annoying and painstakingly craves female attention
and yet, i keep saying hello, keep reminding myself he's still around
because secretly i'm hoping he's exchanged his place again with you.

there's more i could say but i'll try to be classy.
i get so uncomfortable saying more.
you (or your twin) really hurt me. i don't know if
an apology is anything i'd expect and
my mom said i can only find closure within myself.
i'm the thirsty camel roaming the desert inside
trying to find the oasis.

i miss your heart.
the one that was soft and approachable
eager to be touched like an umbrella
or a pillow or a box of photographs.
this thing you've got now,
i just don't know what it is.
i clearly don't understand it.